Mr. Caffeine got me awake

Assalamualaikum.
i don't know what got into me tonight. suddenly i got the feel to write something in this place. i miss you blog. really do. but i'm to lazy to update anything. me is bad :(

i think this entry will be random. just any random things maybe ? it is because i don't want to sleep tonight. I've had Mocha Freppe' from Mc Cafe just now and there is no sign of sleepiness since then. this is the power of caffeine that owns me tonight. haha i lose to you Mr. Caffeine. me back off :>

so, i'm going 20 next year. big number huh ? yeaaa i'll start to have those -ty behind my age. people will no longer look me as a kid. they will definitely hoping me to act like an adult. i want to act like one but you see, it's quite hard for me to just suddenly dress up properly, talk a little softly, not making any nonsense, not watching cartoons, can take care of everything myself and bla bla bla. IT IS HARD. but actually, my parents sometimes believe that i can take care of things myself. they just give some advice on what i did. i really appreciate those trust. i love being trusted. i feel important. even sometimes i did mistakes, please correct me but don't get angry with me. i'm still in the state of learning. i'll easily give up if people start to give up on me. really. yeahh u wont understand me. me myself hard to figure out about me sometimes. *sigh*

talking about trust, u see, ermm hmm this is one of the reason i like my crush. he trusted me. he never get angry with me even i did wrong even though sometimes i wasted his time. when i got panicked with troubles, he will calm the situation down by giving ideas and not letting me get panicked by myself. and of course, he didn't even scold me. hmm i miss you. i wish you were here. it's a tough sem for me. i know you can't do anything to solve my grieves but i need you here :/ I've always asked myself, "kenapa baru sekarang nak suka dia ? kenapa sebelum ni tak nak amik kisah langsung pasal dia ? kenapa tak sedar dia dari awal lagi ?" and now, i regret every seconds of not noticing him. he is different. different from all other crushes I've had before. even though someday we might not be together, i don't regret falling for him as i learned something from liking him. 

i just want this sem to end quickly. really quick and i'll be having my 4 months break. i want to have a break from thinking of all these bullshits in UTP. please let me stay strong these 4 months Ya Allah. i need strength and guidance :'( Aminnn.

p/s : i hate getting pressured when i'm not in a good mood. and i really dislikes making my small problem to be bigger during my not-so-good-mood time. so, if i ignore you, please understand. i want my 'me' time.

please be quick 4 months ,

Dyra Haiyi