thank you for reading

Assalamualaikum.

heyy its 9.57a.m . what am i still doing here updating trashy things in my blog ? why am i not going to class ? i skipped class ? nahh, no class today. in fact, there are NO CLASS AT ALL THESE 4 MONTHS. yeah baybehh. got swag huh ? *wink* i'm having my 4 months break uollss !! *nari keling berputar* sangat seronok rasanya dapat berjauhan dengan UTP buat sementara waktu. kihkih

so, what do i do during this break ? kerja laa apa lagi. bezanya cuti kali ni aku dah tak kerja kat tadika. sob sob :'( me miss tadika sooo much. bezanyaaa kali ni aku dipaksa kerja dengan my momma. memang adatlah setiap kali cuti ibu akan paksa kerja dengan dia. tapi selalu aku tepis je menggunakan kuasa ninja saktiku. tapi this time, i really couldn't run from it. cause this is about future. my future. my family future. our future. baru 20 tahun aku dah kena fikir jauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh ke depan. ehh 20 ? belum belum. masih 19. hihi the conclusion is, during this break i'm working with my momma. kay fullstop.

talking about that future things, yeah i maybe act childish, talk insane, often goofing around and such but that just totally my outer self. for my inner self, i have been thinking a lot of things for a lot of people and finding solution and relating my past with the future and yadda yadda. i love being alone when i'm thinking but eventually those thoughts will end up ate my soul as i get too emotional when i did not get the solution for my future. not too emotional i'd say. that just a bit too exaggerated. when i am on my bad mood, i rarely show people how terrible i feel, how gloomy my face is and how much tears i have been shed because i don't want people to know what i'm going through. i'd rather keep them by myself. sometimes i just can't keep all the problems in my head. so, i will find trusted friends to share my problem. its quite hard to find a good listener these day but i'm quite fortunate to have some trusted and loyal friends that will listen to my stories, my complaint, my whine. they really brighten me up ! they made my day :') even though sometimes i didn't share my problems but just some trash-talk, crush-chat, girly-gossip or nonsense things to them. i am still glad that finally i get feedback to what i want to share with people.

to whoever that accidentally read my blog and this entry (only friends will read my blog though :>), i just want you to know that i miss you so much that i feel like crying right now :'( and and i am so glad to have you in my life. please don't get bored of me and please don't shut me off your life. i love you so much and i want to keep you forever. Amin

kawan adalah manusia yang berdiri di sekeliling mu.
bezanya tujuan dia berdiri disitu.
untuk menemanimu
atau sebagai hentian RnR-nya.

bila baca balik dari atas sebenarnya tak terfikir pun nak tulis entry emotional. huu dyra dyra *geleng kepala*

p/s : i hope that my future husband is a good listener ;) btw, err rindu UTP sikit. kbai

manusiayangmungkinpmssebabemotaktentupasal,

Dyra Haiyi

Mr. Caffeine got me awake

Assalamualaikum.
i don't know what got into me tonight. suddenly i got the feel to write something in this place. i miss you blog. really do. but i'm to lazy to update anything. me is bad :(

i think this entry will be random. just any random things maybe ? it is because i don't want to sleep tonight. I've had Mocha Freppe' from Mc Cafe just now and there is no sign of sleepiness since then. this is the power of caffeine that owns me tonight. haha i lose to you Mr. Caffeine. me back off :>

so, i'm going 20 next year. big number huh ? yeaaa i'll start to have those -ty behind my age. people will no longer look me as a kid. they will definitely hoping me to act like an adult. i want to act like one but you see, it's quite hard for me to just suddenly dress up properly, talk a little softly, not making any nonsense, not watching cartoons, can take care of everything myself and bla bla bla. IT IS HARD. but actually, my parents sometimes believe that i can take care of things myself. they just give some advice on what i did. i really appreciate those trust. i love being trusted. i feel important. even sometimes i did mistakes, please correct me but don't get angry with me. i'm still in the state of learning. i'll easily give up if people start to give up on me. really. yeahh u wont understand me. me myself hard to figure out about me sometimes. *sigh*

talking about trust, u see, ermm hmm this is one of the reason i like my crush. he trusted me. he never get angry with me even i did wrong even though sometimes i wasted his time. when i got panicked with troubles, he will calm the situation down by giving ideas and not letting me get panicked by myself. and of course, he didn't even scold me. hmm i miss you. i wish you were here. it's a tough sem for me. i know you can't do anything to solve my grieves but i need you here :/ I've always asked myself, "kenapa baru sekarang nak suka dia ? kenapa sebelum ni tak nak amik kisah langsung pasal dia ? kenapa tak sedar dia dari awal lagi ?" and now, i regret every seconds of not noticing him. he is different. different from all other crushes I've had before. even though someday we might not be together, i don't regret falling for him as i learned something from liking him. 

i just want this sem to end quickly. really quick and i'll be having my 4 months break. i want to have a break from thinking of all these bullshits in UTP. please let me stay strong these 4 months Ya Allah. i need strength and guidance :'( Aminnn.

p/s : i hate getting pressured when i'm not in a good mood. and i really dislikes making my small problem to be bigger during my not-so-good-mood time. so, if i ignore you, please understand. i want my 'me' time.

please be quick 4 months ,

Dyra Haiyi

jatuh tangga

jatuh cinta.
macam jatuh tangga.
kau takkan berhenti bergolek selagi takde penghalang.
macam tu la jugak cinta.
selagi tak ada sebab, cinta takkan berhenti.
terus bergolek. 
tapi sakit.

Dear God, the only thing i ask of You is to hold him when i'm not around, when i'm much too far away.

p/s : distance is such a good heartbreaker. 

Dyra Haiyi

this is serious

#np A Thousand Years Part 2 - Christina Perri ft Steve Kazee
dah bertahun tak update blog ni. haha
hmm bila update je pasal crush. update je crush. boring betul. tapi nak buat macam mana. dah benda ni paling menggangu otak, jiwa, raga. haihhh tak terdaya menahan nya haa. ni the same crush yang a friend tu. frankly speaking, sejak suka budak ni, dah tak pandang dah laki lain. dulu aku laa yang paling giat buat aktivti usha mengusha ni. sekarang ni, no more. satu perkembangan yang positif for me (Y) tapi entah laa. susah nak predict perasaan orang ni. masalahnya takut misinterpret how he layan me. sekali gua je syok sendiri sensorang. sedih sebenarnya. lepas ni dah no chance dah. blame on distance ! rasa macam nak confess. tapi tak berani :S tak nak rosakkan what do we have now. a friendship.

but you make me wanna act like a girl

paint my nails and wear high heels

for you make me so nervous that i just can't hold your hand

u make me glow but i cover up won't let it show

so i'm puttin my defenses up

cause i don't wanna fall in love

if i ever did that, i think i'll have a heart attack

heart attack,

Dyra Haiyi

masalah hati. Ar-Rahim Ar-Rahim

everything is actually easy to be handled but not for feeling. we cant force it to just simply like or dislike anything. and now im in this hard situation right now where i actually have a crush on one of my friend. susah untuk disimpan tetapi susah untuk diluahkan. saya tersepit antara dua. diluah mati emak ditelan mati bapak. kalau confess, ada dua kemungkinan, 1. dia akan terima 2. dia tak terima dan kami akan jadi awkward selama lamanya. and i dont want that number 2 to happen at all. tapi bukan senang untuk predict whats the solution. so daripada tak bercakap langsung baik stay like this. like a normal friend. just like always. cumanya kena tahan diri. simpan perasaan dalam dalam. kalau dia ditakdirkan dengan orang lain, terima dengan hati terbuka. kalau dia sebenarnya Adamku, Alhamdulillah ya Allah :') now, i just have only one way to solve this. keep praying. Ya Allah, bukalah hatinya agar nampak perasaan sebenarku dan semoga dapatlah dia menerima diriku. tetapi jika dia bukan untukku, kau buang lah perasaan ini selama lamanya dan kuatkan lah hubungan persahabatan kami. Aminnn Ya Rabbal Alaminn. 

pemasalah hati,

Dyra Haiyi

fake aint for attention

Assalamualaikum. 
nampaknya Cik Irma terasa laa dengan blog post kita. hewhew tak memasal je dapat special entry dalam blog dia. aww, terharu i. hikhik nak tengok click sini : http://budakampungkekotaan.blogspot.com/2013/04/birthday.html#

Irma, 
mula mula aku terkejut jugak. tapi lamalama aku fikir positif balik mesti kau pun sebenarnya nak join kan ke'fake'an aku ni. haha actually, post previous aku ni bukan mainly pasal kau. hanya 0.5% je. yang lain tu pasal orang lain. hihi lagipun takkan ko nak lupa 7/7 yang aku non stop ingatkan korang dulu kan. wakaka kay ingat pulak zaman form 4 == so, jangan laa anda risau. saya tak sedih sebab anda kerana anda pahatkan 7/7 tu dalam hati anda :3 

okay dah habis pasal cik ighma_awesome ni. 

rupanya hari ni kes fake birthday ni tak habis lagi. ada pulak orang kata kami ni attention seeker. (sobs) haihh cakap laa apa pun tapi why attention seeker why ?? bila first time kami nak buat benda ni, TAK PERNAH LANGSUNG terlintas untuk cari attention mahupun publisiti murahan atau mahalan. TAKDE LANGSUNG. Alhamdulillah lah selama aku hidup 18 tahun berapa bulan ni, dah cukup dah attention yang aku dapat from my family and friends. aku tak nak mintak lebih pun. apatah lagi dari strangers. kalau aku nak seek attention baik aku buat post post pelik dekat twitter kata nak bet apa apa confirm esoknya populariti naik buff buff tebaboom. ingin aku ulang balik reason why we make this fake birthday adalah untuk test rakan rakan rapat ( mostly kawan sekolah ) adakah mereka masih ingat. kalau tak ingat, kami nak wujudkan balik budaya saling mengingati walaupun dah terpisah. we just wanna touch your mind to alert your friends birthday cause not everything you can get easily. even fb can give you false information. 

kau ingat aku suka ke nak buat benda ni ? time before nak buat aku fikir banyak kali tau. takut menyinggung mana mana pihak. tapi aku terpaksa buat untuk tau the true colours of the real you. aku seorang yang ego. tapi kalau aku dah mintak maaf banyak banyak kali tu means that i am really sorry. lagipun aku bukan gelakkan korang yang wish aku semalam pun. aku anggap korang wish aku awal. takde salahnya pun. nanti birthday aku yang betul takyah wish dah. yelah mana tau kot tak sempat (nauzubillah) at least aku dapat merasa korang wish aku. kann. 

sorry for the thousand times,

Dyra Haiyi

BIRTHDAY

its all about birthday. 
my actual birthday is on 7th of July. tapi semalam on 7th of April, gua dengan Syiqin decided untuk tukar tarikh birthday on that 7th of April tu. tujuan kami buat fake birthday tu BUKAN untuk suka suka troll orang, cari publisiti murahan dan sebagainya. tapi sebenarnya kami nak test our close friends, adakah mereka ingat birthday kami atau hanya bergantung kat facebook je untuk wish. aku ingat lagi zaman sekolah menengah dulu. mana ada active fb pun. time tu pakat guna myspace je. itupun birthday alert bukan benda yang penting sangat pun. so, kalau nak ingat birthday kawan kawan memang kena usaha sendiri. tulis kat calendar ke apa. tambah tambah bila masuk merbok, asrama. memang langsung takde social network. jadi memang kena pandai pandai laa ingat birthday kawan kawan kita. Alhamdulillah aku still ingat jugak birthday my close friends yang dari RPS sampai laa ke UTP ni. 

tapi, sejak fb dah menguasai diri ni, aku dah tak heran langsung dah nak ingat birthday sesapa. sebab tau. akan ada yang remind kita. jadi memang aku ngaku laa. mostly aku wish birthday tu sebab aku tengok kat tepi news feed aku tu je. hanya secebis je yang aku ingat. but then my close friends here selalu macam try try tanya birthday si A birthday si B bilaa. so starting from that i know, i must start to remember their birthdate. lagi satu pulak yang kes macam Meena Ramli tu. aku tau birthday dia 1 december. aku ingat even hari before tu. dah terniat pun nak wish. tiba hari yang berkenaan aku tak wish pun. huu aku lupa. aku on fb. tapi aku tak wish. sebab apa ? sebab dia HIDE birthday dia. and NO ONE wish her. aku rasa bersalah sangat. so i made a post birthday wish for her. sejak dari tu i note myelf to NEVER FORGET my friends birthday. dan itulah salah satu sebab aku buat fake birthday semalam. actually, aku tak kisah kalau kawan kawan utp taktau birthday aku bila. sebab korang pun baru kenal aku. tapi yang rapat rapat tu memang tak patut laa kalau lupa. but then, the shocking thing is, some of my closest friends dari sekolah pun wish semalam. i was hurt badly yesterday. sumpah sedih. 

walaupun aku sedih rupanya ada jugak yang sangat marah aku buat fake birthday ni. aku mintak maaf sangat dari hujung rambut ke hujung kaki sebab buat benda ni semalam. ya, aku rasa bersalah. tapi aku tetap bersyukur sebab aku dapat jawapan dari testing yang aku reka ni. aku terharu korang wish aku. tapi kenapa perlu korang marah aku buat fake birthday ni sedangkan sebagai seorang kawan, u should know that fact without a single help from the fb. 

sorry sangat emo. tak aku tak puas hati dengan orang orang (bukan sorang) yang marah kami buat birthday ni gila gila. padahal we pun ada hak untuk marah sebab how unappreciated we feel. but you know me, i will just forgive and forget :) i will never do this anymore. bagi sesapa yang tak kuat hatinya, saya nasihatkan JANGAN BUAT FAKE BIRTHDAY. kau akan merana. 

dan dan dan, 

awak awak awak, kita berkawan sebab Allah. bukan sebab FB. 

saya betul betul mintak maaf,

Dyra Haiyi